Twin Cities Toilet Paper Reviews started as a very simple concept: I write reviews of toilet paper in the Twin Cities.
The problem with the Internet is that people want to know things quickly. They don’t want to read multiple paragraphs about the toilet paper in the port-a-potty at a park in Mendota Heights to find out the verdict.
So, I started a rating system. In the beginning, I used the toilet paper emoji the way boring reviewers use stars or numbers. 🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻 is great, 🧻 is not.
Then I wanted in-between ratings. You can’t use half an emoji, so I switched to a much better system: numbers! Groundbreaking. I also added five new numbers so the highest possible rating was 10.
This system turned out to be far too complicated, so I switched things up again. Letters! For ratings! Revolutionary.
A very simple A to F scale, with clear rules for how to achieve an A rating (be Charmin Ultra Soft) emerged. Almost immediately, though, I found a toilet paper that broke the system. I thought adding an F- would solve all the problems and that would be that. Enter Key West Bistro. Their toilet paper was not Charmin Ultra Soft, but it was the best toilet paper I had reviewed thus far. It’s. not fair to give it the same rating simply because of an arbitrary rule. So, I broke another rule—but at least I didn’t create a new rating! I would soon enough though. My family has eaten Christmas Eve lunch at the same restaurant for something like 20 years. So on Christmas Eve 2025, we showed up for lunch, and I eventually went to the bathroom. Lo and behold, right there in the stall, was the be-all-end-all of toilet paper. For the first time since 2019, I was using Charmin Ultra Soft in a public bathroom! An A simply wouldn’t suffice. So now we have an A+ (and a subsidiary: Omaha Toilet Paper Reviews).
It’s okay, I told myself wrongly. A+ to F- will work—it’s not like I’m ever going to find CUS in the wild again, and it takes a lot to get an F- instead of an F. This is fine,
The problem with having ratings is that they become a crutch—and also pretty much everything gets a C anyways. If I can fall back on a rating, I don’t have to put as much effort into the review. I spent so much time hemming and hawing over which letter to assign to a toilet paper that I started writing shorter and shorter reviews,. Many times I barely wrote a full sentence. I all-but abandoned the entire premise of the project.
I stand by every rating I’ve assigned. I truly think they reflect the quality of the toilet paper and wiping experience. But they don’t show the whole picture or tell the entire story, Additionally, ratings introduce a weird element of competition and the need to constantly clarify that the review is of the toilet paper, not the business.
That’s why, moving forward, Twin Cities Toilet Paper Reviews will once again publish reviews sans ratings. You will have to read the entire review (or at least some of it) to gauge whether or not you want to wipe with that toilet paper. That’s how it should’ve been the entire time.
I will redo the site at some point to make the ratings less prominent and the reviews easier to access and read in full.
Thanks for your understanding, support, and happiness about this change.
✌🏻❤️🧻
Amber