Do trains have weight limits? That’s the only explanation I can come up with for why they’ve stocked their bathrooms with this all-too-familiar toilet paper.
Plyhard fans will recognize this as the same physics-defying air/paper combo I encountered at a park in Oakdale. Sometimes I reread that review and wonder if I was being hyperbolic. Well, dear wiper, I can now confirm that I was absolutely not.
This is truly the La Croix of toilet papers. It looks nice from a distance. The embossed pattern is clearly visible when the toilet paper is still on the roll. In the same way that La Croix’s use of vibrant colors leads an unsuspecting drinker to assume that the seltzer they are about to indulge in has an actual flavor, this toilet paper will have novice wipers searching frantically for a second ply they will never find.
The positives of this toilet paper, as I mentioned in a previous review, is that if it never touches you it can’t hurt you. You will not feel this toilet paper at all, no matter how many feet of it you take from the roll. The embossed pattern is for visual purposes only as it has absolutely no texture and certainly doesn’t assist with grip.
The negative aspects are entirely related to absorbency. I lied above when I said I only have one explanation for AMTRAK’s choice. Please forgive me. Anyway, this toilet paper was designed to break down quickly and break down quickly it does. It breaks down so quickly that as soon as it makes contact with any form of liquid or moisture, it’s game over. My hand did not break through the layers, but that’s only because of my advanced experience and knowledge in these areas. I knew how much to take to protect my digits. You, a normal, are not likely to have the same experience and will probably end up with wet fingers.
This may tempt you to bring your own toilet paper next time you take the train. So I will remind you not to do that. If you ignore my warning and do it anyways, do not flush the toilet paper. Place it in the tampons/sanitary napkins bin where it will not fuck up the fragile plumbing on one of our best means of transport.
Just take more toilet paper from the roll than it seems like any sane person would (and then even more than that) or hold it for the duration of your ride.
